My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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