May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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