I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
