You're so nebulous sometimes
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
