I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
