How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
