i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize