you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
