i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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