I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize