You smell like stripper and shame
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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