What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
