You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
