I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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