The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
