So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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