I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize