Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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