I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
