its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
