in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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