Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
