We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
