The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
