how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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