I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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