Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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