I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
