he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
