You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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