I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
