ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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