your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
