Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
