Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
