You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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