how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
