when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize