I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize