i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
