good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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