Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
