god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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