Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
