Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
