I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
