Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
