I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
