oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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