I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
