operation harelip BJ is a go
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
