Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
