My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
