OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
