and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
