I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
