So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
