so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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