a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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