1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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