he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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