I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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