you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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