So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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