I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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