3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
