Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
