If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
