I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
