Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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