I could have mohawked her pubes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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