those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
