Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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