I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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