You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize