Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
